I have entered a time in my life when stress is at the forefront of most major events in my life. It seems that the older I get, the more I am plagued with situations I can't control and that pain me to experience. Even vacations, which are planned to "get away from it all and relax," tend to offer a few minor or major traumas that make vacations a little less than relaxing.
Take kids, for example. Travelling with children today is a recipe for stress. Going on vacation without your significant other with said children is just plain scary. I think I am used to sharing the burden of being a mom with a husband who is a hands-on dad and always makes my job easier...well usually. When by myself, I am more irritable, concerned for their well-being, and I can't really let myself unwind, especially with William. His illness is not urgent or terminal, but it is constant and it is so hard to be constantly watchful by myself when I'm used to sharing the load.
So, I got home today after leaving Fripp at 7am to get the boys home early enough to spend time with John after being gone for a week. Once home, I couldn't relax and kept pacing the house. So, I decided a run was in order. Maybe not the smartest idea at 2:30pm on one of the hottest days in July, but I really needed to run, sweat, and expend energy.
About halfway through the run/walk (because who am I kidding? It was 100 today,) I felt this huge surge of emotions and energy leaving my body. I walked harder and sweated more. It felt good and when I got home, I was fine.
I say all of this to recognize that I have had many, many, many big stressors in my life, some at a young age. To identify a way to relieve some of what is physiological, as well as psychological has been very helpful in my quest to come to terms with unfair situations.
I think if I were to be still for too long, I would explode.
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