about kindness

Today I went to get a pedicure. I walked in and was seated in my chair. A few minutes later a young black woman came in and was seated next to me. We exchanged smiles and began enjoying our services. A few minutes later a few other ladies walked in: twin sisters and an older woman. One of the twins sneezed and several people said "bless you." The older woman said something else to her about the sneeze and she looked over and said, "I wasn't talking to you," then turned back around. It was so rude that the older lady just kind of laughed and stopped talking.

My pedicure neighbor and I couldn't believe what had just occurred, and we looked at each other in disbelief. This unnecessary display of negative, unkind behavior immediately turned our moods sour, and we began a conversation about the current state of our nation and increasing lack of respect that seems to be permeating our society at all levels.

We discussed cultural differences (especially between black and white), communication difficulties and misconceptions, and Trump's current debacle with professional athletes. As it turns out, she is a server at a local restaurant and talked about the disrespect that she experiences by her patrons regularly. I, of course, talked about being a teacher and trying to help students learn how to communicate effectively, respectfully, and with kindness. What we really really wanted to do was have a rumble with the rude twin, but knew it wouldn't change anything. If you are a nasty person, you are a nasty person. Period.

Afterwards we both realized that we were in much better spirits, and that the conversation between a 41 year old white woman and a 30 year old black woman was productive, kind, and respectful. When you put others' feelings above your own and give people the benefit of the doubt, logic and compassion prevail. We listened and were inspired by each others' stories.

I finished my service and began paying, and my new friend was at the table next to the register. She wished me well and we encouraged each other to continue being kind to others. It inspired me to pay for her service, and she was overcome with gratitude. She asked me to come to her restaurant where she would return the gesture. We both decided we needed to pay kindness forward to all people and that we had been experienced something extraordinary on a random Sunday. 

Bottom line. Be kind to people. Don't assume people are jerks. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Listen. And when others turn out to be jerks, talk about how to better yourself and pay it forward.

And my toes look nice too.

The cliches are true. "It goes by too fast" and "Things happen in threes."

I had three very poignant conversations with three very different mothers in the past two days.

For the past few months I have been feeling down and depressed. I did switch my anxiety meds...in hindsight, that probably wasn't a good idea so close to the end of the school year, but I was also trying to put my finger on this underlying sadness and restlessness I have felt. I have not wanted to do anything but sleep and watch television- no desire to exercise or socialize. So not like me. I thought maybe it was processing my mom's never-ending situation or the fact that two dear friends from work have moved on to their next phases in life.

First, I ran into a friend whose son I taught probably eight years ago. She has one son in college and one son on his way out of high school. For 45 minutes we sat and listened to each other's hearts, that as mothers, our time is limited. The second conversation I had was with a good friend who I talk to fairly regularly. Her kids are still at home, but they are on the other side of their childhood, and she is feeling the slow underlying sadness and anxiety of her kids leaving the nest soon. Finally, I spoke with a young friend who just had a baby a few days ago. Her kids are elementary-aged and she was dreading and simultaneously delighting in the eternal exhaustion of long nights with babies and long days with small children.

Three very different women in three very different times of their lives with very valid feelings. I remember the eternal exhaustion as a young working mother trying to do it all. And then it struck me. I am on my way out as a mom with kids at home. The constant loudness, carpooling, sporting events, arguing, laughs, firsts...it consumes our lives for so long that the thought of it ending just makes me want to curl up in my bed and cry because I know that soon, I will be running into friends and lamenting the end of my boys' childhoods.

Please don't misunderstand because I have an incredible life: a husband I still love and like, two boys who are on the right path, and so many blessings God has grant me. But this feeling that I can't shake is real, and it is only getting stronger with time. And I do want them to fly away, to follow their hearts and be good, strong, kind men. I need them to know that we did all we could to equip them with the tools they need to be happy productive members of society.

So, it does go by too fast. The realization that our time as mothers with our kids at home is finite begins to creep up too soon. Once it starts, it can be all-consuming, wasting even more precious time. It's healthy to mourn their childhood. I plan on not wearing make up until I can get this under control.

And things do happen in threes. These three conversations with very different women was God's way of telling me that though I am dreading the end of the young mother's life, I still have a lot of life to experience. It will be different and wonderful in its own way, but it is still ending an incredible part of my life. I have a lot of advice, perspective, and compassion to offer others in all stages, and I hope I can be a good listener.

They're not even gone yet, and I already miss them.leighlowman@gmail.com

I Am BatMom.

It's been over a year since my last post. I felt I needed to remember this special day in my literary life. Thus, I am pasting my entire Batsterpiece below. Glad to be blogging again. Enjoy

I Am BatMom

A poem at 4:35am:

What's that?
A bat
Flying around my room
At 4 am

My knight arrives
Stumbling up the stairs
Pool skinner in hand
Ready for battle
So early in the morn.

Where is it? He asks
In the closet it flew
I don't see it. He says
So we'll just close the doors.
But it will poop on my clothes.
My knight just stares at me.
So there it still sleeps...

I need to get into my closet. Drat. I mean bat.

So what were my dreams for the rest of the night? 
In my childhood home a bat, huge and black,
circles the living room with a string in its grasp;
the hook on the end catches my clothes 
and we are bound together.

The very best person
Has come to my aid.
Together we'll free it
Though now I'm afraid.  
Rabies.

We did not find the bat
though a valiant effort we did give.
Hoping it joined its extended bat family
living in our attic-
its visit likely to be repeated.
I guess we shall find out
early in the morning
when I awaken to the whirring of wings
over my head while I sleep.

that accepting Christ can happen in many different ways.

It happens every time. I am sitting in church and someone chooses that day, time, and parish to accept Jesus into his/her life.  I try to repeat what is on page 34 of the hymnal, but I am so moved by this choice, that I can't even repeat my responses because of the huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Usually it is a child who is being baptized. That child has a family and friends to celebrate this big day in the life of a Christian. The family has prepared and given loved ones sufficient notice of this very important date. These are usually babies, who have no idea of the commitment they are making. Their parents are following the Methodist tradition, a beautiful tradition, that saves them until they are ready to make their own commitments to God as a young adult.

Today, though, I witnessed something very different. A woman, whom I had not met, came forward during the final hymn to join our church. She was alone and clearly had not let anyone know her intentions of joining on this day. Usually, people transfer their faith from another parish or denomination. This woman was different.  She had no one to stand with her and she had not been baptized. She chose this particular moment to accept Christ and join our church without any prior notice.

I was overcome with emotion. From the time she walked to the front of the church during the last hymn, through the helpers running to retrieve water for the unannounced baptism, through the baptism itself-seeing her standing alone, and finally to the prayer that affirmed to her that we will support her as a family, I was moved.

Usually there is much pomp and circumstance surrounding this life-changing experience. Today, there was no pomp, no circumstance, and no personal witness this woman brought with her. It was very simple and unceremonious, which was the reason why I found myself humbled to witness such a beautiful scene.

God reveals himself to us when we least expect it. I felt very close to Him today. For that, I am thankful.

The significance of my childhood in my life.

I attended the wedding of a dear family friend last night.  This child, whom I used to babysit, no longer is a child, but a beautiful young woman starting her own life as a newlywed. 

The wedding was short and sweet-the reception was not.  Talk about fun.  We danced, ate, drank, danced, talked, squealed, hugged, danced, and reminisced the entire night, surrounded by those many familiar faces that I will always know no matter how long I am gone from my childhood home. 

These people helped to shape me into the person I am today.   They gave me such a sense of community and love.  We grew up at CUMC and that church truly was our family.  We kids are all grown up now with kids of our own, but I felt like a kid again being in their presence.  I just slid right back into my role as Paula and Fred’s daughter, or one of the Inman girls, just as if no time had passed.

If my parents had not chosen Cabot as our home, we would not have known any of them.  They were church leaders, my piano teacher, family friends, dad's patients, community business people, and Sunday School teachers.  I babysat their children, lifeguarded for them at the country club summer after summer, and experienced the ups and downs of life through their watchful eyes.  I know their stories, their personalities, their strengths and weaknesses.  I know their moms and dads and grandparents.  I have seen them get married and I have seen some of them die. I now realize that they were so significant to my life while I was learning who I was supposed to become.

Everyone has childhood memories.  Some are unremarkable, but mine are so intertwined with my being.  I was shaped by them and still I look to the most special people for guidance and reassurance, especially now that one of the most significant people in my life is no longer here.

It's not as easy as it was 30 years ago.  Things are not as safe and we don’t live in a small town.  I do hope, though, that I can give me kids the same important relationships that they will always cherish, even when they are busy adults with kids of their own.  My kids will take piano.  They will sing in the church choir, join the youth group and play handbells.  They will get to try all of the things they want to try so that they can confidently make the best decisions for their futures.

To be part of the wedding last night was one of the highlights of my year. Being considered part of such a precious family is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me.  I know my sisters agree that it is so humbling to share their past. 

Ultimately, we have our parents to thank for that.  They chose our community.  They chose which friendships to cultivate.  They chose to give us every opportunity to try everything we wanted to try.   I am so thankful, yet I feel undeserving.  How did I get to be so lucky?  Even today.  I still wonder and am truly moved by God’s gifts.  I believe that my past is one of His gifts and I will always be in awe of it.

I am still searching.

When I ended my career in DeKalb County, I thought it was going to be great.  No more lesson plans, paperwork, and nonsense for a while.  I would be free to volunteer my time for the boys, for the community, and to work on my personal relationships.  

Fastforward.  It's January and I don't know what to do with myself.  I have taken on more responsibilities at church, for JDRF, at Winding Vista, and at GAC.  I have started new programs, made my own Christmas cards, made Christmas gifts, organized, volunteered, and exercised.  I have also relaxed and recognized the fact that I am lucky to be in this position right now.  After all, who gets to slow down halfway through life to re-examine priorities?  I have been teaching since I was 20 years old.

It comes down to one thing.  I miss it.  

Don't get me wrong.  I have loved being a TA.  I didn't know if I could handle not being in charge, but it has really been a good and humbling learning experience.  I get to know the families at GAC without having to be directly responsible for children's educations.  This has afforded me the time and energy to learn the climate there, which is very different than what I have always known.  Running for the School of Music and the School of Ballet has also been rewarding, as I have met a few very cool people I feel fortunate to know.  

Yet, I still yearn for the classroom.  Why can't I be satisfied with God's plan for me right now.  I keep trying to change my course and constantly forget it's not mine to change.  He has already mapped it all out.

So, I'm still searching.  I don't know what is in store for me.  I want to be used. To make an impact. To help.  

Most of all, I want not to want...and to be able to fully trust Him.

Leaps of faith are life-changing.

I moved to Atlanta the day after my sister's wedding in August of 1998 with a friend with whom I had just graduated from Hendrix.  I had visited Atlanta and secured a job (Avondale Elem.) in DeKalb County over the previou months and was excited to have a job, move away from Arkansas, and be an independent, employeed college graduate.

I met John about a month later and the rest is history...yet another strange happening in my life that seemed too good to be true.  That story is also interesting.

So, three years after that, we are married, have a house, and I weasel my way into Livsey and into one of the most rewarding parts of my life as a teacher to some of the best kids and families I have ever known. 

To leave all of that was a very unexpected decision.  Three weeks ago I was ready to come back to Livsey as a 5th grade teacher, something I had wanted to be for many years.  I knew the students because I had taught them the previous year.  I knew the families and had their blessings to teach them again.  I was really excited.

It seemed perfect, and yet, out of nowhere, it became incredibly apparent to me that I couldn't go back.  I knew that if I did, I would not be what those kids deserved because I was beginning to go through a transformation.   A break was what I needed and time to decide what I wanted to be for the rest of my life.  Being with my family more, both physically and emotionally, was at the front of my mind and though I know I will return to the classroom in some capacity, I can't say what that will be.

Right now I am relishing a cup of coffee after sending my kids off to school on the first day that I am no longer impacting kids directly and daily in my own classroom.  I am going to do laundry, clean the kitchen, and plan dinner so that when John comes home, he will know how much I appreciate his support while I work things out for myself.  I don't know what I would do without him.

There is no doubt in my mind that God has His hand in this.  There have been so many signs...too many to mention-and some that shouldn't be mentioned.  I had been searching for more and He decided three weeks ago that it was time for more.  It just came in a way that I never expected...nor could I control.

Isn't that the way it always works?  You search and search and just when you think you have found nothing, you are shown the very thing you never knew you needed?  I am so thankful for my journey and am at peace with my choice to leave my safe little Livsey world.  I just wish I could take the kids and families I love with me!